"Do You Just Go Home and Cry Everyday?"

"Do you just go home and cry everyday?" This is my favorite quote of 2010 thanks to my dear friend Marci. Well, what Miss Marci was referring to, the topic which none of the other 8 girls at the table had been privy to at the moment she asked me, was my career as a Social Worker and the population that I work with. So when Marci asked if I just go home and cry everyday, it could have been assumed the question was due to my growing love handles and thighs, my minimal salary for the 70-80 hours I work in a week, my grown out hair roots... :)

But in fact I do go home and cry once and awhile. I had a few of the hardest days yet this week and I'm emotionally exhausted. It began on Wednesday when I had to tell a mother in our program that it was a possibility she could lose her two girls, and then help her to not make a choice that would further jeopardize her chance to be a parent to her children. The next day we received the final decision from DCFS that a foster home had been found for her daughters. So that afternoon I facilitated a conversation between mom and daughters that they would be going back into foster care. It was absolutely heartbreaking. As the 5 year old snuggled on my lap she continually asked me why her mom was crying and when they would be coming back, she didn't understand. The next morning I was there again to facilitate their goodbye. Those big brown eyes and quivering lip will haunt me for days. I made it from 100 E. to 700 E. before losing it. From my clinical judgement and in my heart I knew it was in the best interest of those little girls, but my heart broke for them as they tried to comprehend why they couldn't stay with their mom. My hope now is that their new foster parents are decent people with love to give these two sweet girls. A quick plug for foster care, they are always in desperate need and I know many of my friends and family would be amazing blessings to these children!

I love what I do but there are days that I struggle, I know I join the rest of the population with that obvious statement :) , but I appreciate an outlet to process through it. Thanks for listening.

Responses We Wish We Could Send

Alina and Cory Here: This is a duo post. While looking through some websites, we stumbled across a blog of a person from our past. Although we give credit for the persons passion and overall mission of life, it was riddled with self righteousness, criticism and judgment; ironically, the absence of these very characteristics being his/her passion.

Therefore, being two respectful people who are big believers in Karma and slightly chicken, decided not to send a very well stated, articulate, angry and perhaps a little catty comment on his/her blog. We were going to post it in this blog, but decided against it.
(We lost faith in all you judgers out there!)

Does this ever happen to you? Although Cory and I are both like minded, the post rung false to the very core. At this point, what do you do when all you want to do is shake someone, tell them they are crazy, or try to give the person a little exposure to life and reality? I guess rant about it for a minute and decide to be who you are. Or as Lacy would say, "Remember who you're not."

This is Alina 'worshiping' in Rome. They had to provide her a shawl as she was dressed like a street walker.

Cory 'worshiping' in a restroom...hoping everything would come out okay...

If you are already on our list of friends, know it wasn't you.... or was it??? J/K

Thanks,
Alina & Cory

Radiant Humans

"Learn to be a radiant human, and then shine on others." Sark

Who am I? I'm not entirely sure, but for the first time I realize the importance of not answering, but pondering and being aware of this question as it constantly changes and evolves. My sister recently embarked on a magnificent adventure. It was a vacation planned for two, yet she found herself experiencing Alaska alone. When I think of the word ALONE my immediate emotion is saddness or pity on her behalf. Why should we fear alone as if there is less to be gained by the experience? I had the opportunity of talking with my sister a few days before the end of her adventure and we pondered the idea of being alone. Alone, being in the present, and getting to know and love yourself. We invest hours, days, and lifetimes getting to know others, but do we take the time to truly learn about ourselves? I know the superficial aspects of myself. Go ahead and ask me, what is my favorite color, food, pet?...I can answer all without hesitation and none would give you any insight into who Alina Dorsey really is. My favorite color does not define me, nor does it reflect any depth concerning my wishes and desires. An author who is inspirational to me, Sark, suggests marrying yourself. Performing a wedding somewhere special and vowing to love and honor yourself until the end of your days. At first this idea of an actual ceremony sounded completely silly, but I can appreciate the importance behind it. I find myself dutifully completing my education, working out my days, and busying myself with the mundane details of everyday while forgetting to take the time to discover what I want and need. Who am I? Well, that changes daily, but I like the idea of trying to be a radiant human, and then shining on others. I know many radiant human beings whose light has helped shape and mold the person I am and will continue to be. These are the people who have been badgering me to start a blog for quite some time. They are amazing and beautiful and hysterical! I take pride in the fact that I surround myself with people who have the greatest capacity to love. They also just happen to be downright witty and funny and can make me smile in a second. Just this weekend a dear friend had me uncontrollably bawling and laughing at the same time (you know who you are). I love you all. "You are enough. You have enough. You do enough." Sark

A Few Radiant Humans Listed Above