"Do You Just Go Home and Cry Everyday?"

"Do you just go home and cry everyday?" This is my favorite quote of 2010 thanks to my dear friend Marci. Well, what Miss Marci was referring to, the topic which none of the other 8 girls at the table had been privy to at the moment she asked me, was my career as a Social Worker and the population that I work with. So when Marci asked if I just go home and cry everyday, it could have been assumed the question was due to my growing love handles and thighs, my minimal salary for the 70-80 hours I work in a week, my grown out hair roots... :)

But in fact I do go home and cry once and awhile. I had a few of the hardest days yet this week and I'm emotionally exhausted. It began on Wednesday when I had to tell a mother in our program that it was a possibility she could lose her two girls, and then help her to not make a choice that would further jeopardize her chance to be a parent to her children. The next day we received the final decision from DCFS that a foster home had been found for her daughters. So that afternoon I facilitated a conversation between mom and daughters that they would be going back into foster care. It was absolutely heartbreaking. As the 5 year old snuggled on my lap she continually asked me why her mom was crying and when they would be coming back, she didn't understand. The next morning I was there again to facilitate their goodbye. Those big brown eyes and quivering lip will haunt me for days. I made it from 100 E. to 700 E. before losing it. From my clinical judgement and in my heart I knew it was in the best interest of those little girls, but my heart broke for them as they tried to comprehend why they couldn't stay with their mom. My hope now is that their new foster parents are decent people with love to give these two sweet girls. A quick plug for foster care, they are always in desperate need and I know many of my friends and family would be amazing blessings to these children!

I love what I do but there are days that I struggle, I know I join the rest of the population with that obvious statement :) , but I appreciate an outlet to process through it. Thanks for listening.